“April 11, 2004

Does anyone know where I can find a copy of the rules of thought, feeling, and behavior in these circumstances? It seems like there should be a rule book somewhere that lays out everything exactly the way one should respond to a loss like this. I’d surely like to know if I’m doing it right. Am I whining enough or too much? Am I unseemly in my occasional moments of lightheartedness? At what date and I supposed to turn off the emotion and jump back on the treadmill of normalcy? Is there a specific number of days or decades that must pass before I can do something I enjoy without feeling I’ve betrayed my dearest love? And when, oh when, am I ever really going to believe this has happened? Next time you’re in a bookstore, as if there’s a rule book.

11:54 p.m.

Jim”

I’ve never gotten caught up in the notion that this turn of events isn’t “fair.”  I don’t believe in “fairness.”  Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people and all the possible permutations of those happenings, and there’s nothing fair or unfair about it – it just is.

― Jim Beaver, Life’s That Way: A Memoir

“I eat too much. I drink too much. I think too much. I want too much.” Those happened to be the lines I heard from a song as I began this post while sitting on a train. I’m on my way to see Susan and Paul in Connecticut. This will be my second visit since their son, Michael, took his life four years ago.

The first visit was emotionally and spiritually tragic for me. I felt the pain oozing from Susan’s body with every move she made. I cried. I panicked. I ached.

Don't Give Up

After all, it was the least I could do, so I thought. . . to become some martyr to the feelings of pain.  As though I was paying my dues. Who was I to feel happy? This was my homage to Michael; to suffer his pains, and to be the friend I should have been to him while he was physically here. Then, maybe his mom would be distracted by my turmoil and I could take his place. And, perhaps, I could receive forgiveness from Michael too.

Yes, it may sound silly now but those were not only rational thoughts for me, but more like a set of obligations. I went to see Susan at her workplace on my final day of my visit. We both wept over this tragedy together. Suddenly, she gathered herself together, held her hands in mine and said, “Nora, you can’t help me until you help yourself.”

What an unbelievable woman she is, when I think to back to that moment. After losing both of her twin children to suicide, she was still capable of sharing the wisdom needed to guide me away from my self-destruction. It was a pure and sincere act of strength and love. It was the epitome of grace in its purest form.

Sadly, at the time, I wasn’t able to take her advice. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I didn’t want to yet. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to run away from my feelings, and I wanted to do it alone. That destructive behavior taught be a valuable lesson: No matter how far you run, your problems will always follow you.

So, here we are now, three years later and once again, I’m preparing myself for the emotional journey of grieving, laughing, crying and sharing. Except, this time, it will be different. I know better. I have grown and I have learned.  It is my time to share what I have learned after experiencing feelings that once seemed inconsolable.  This too shall pass. It’s been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t think that’s right. Love does.

Perhaps that is why I waited so long for this visit. It is time to see Susan again, and I know she feels the time is right too. We will not dwell in our pain, but share in our memories. We will not wallow in the darkness of our sorrows. Rather, we will rejoice in rising above our despair to find the light at the end of our once endless tunnels and truly understand the gift of grace.

My Wish For You

“Where it was dark now there’s light. Where there was pain now there’s joy. Where there was weakness, I found my strength.” Through pain, we grow strength and compassion for people.  This weekend, we’ll drink too much, eat too much, think too much and want too much. And, frankly, I can’t freakin’ wait!

Related articles

• A broken heart (shrookasfour.wordpress.com)
• “Meditating through my depression has shown me the universality of pain, and the availability of Grace.” (beyondmeds.com)
• Pearls of Wisdom from the Butterfly (twilighttreasuretrail.wordpress.com)

by Omer B. Washington

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you’ll see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love
and be loved.
I’ve learned…

You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching/ Love like you'll never be hurt/ Sing like there's nobody listening/ And live like it's heaven on earth. ~ William W. Purkey

Filed under: friendship, grief, inspiration, Mental Health, Positive Affirmations Tagged: Life lessons, Life Quotations, love, Omer B. Washington, wisdom ]]> http://onetosix.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/ive-learned-poem/feed/ 0 socialmediagal Enjoy Life http://onetosix.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/steve-jobs-20-life-lessons/ http://onetosix.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/steve-jobs-20-life-lessons/#comments Sat, 03 Dec 2011 23:29:01 +0000 Noralmt http://onetosix.wordpress.com/?p=1258 ]]> Steve Jobs: 20 Life Lessons.

By Lance Ulanoff

“My feelings about Steve Jobs have always been a little mixed. I long admired his entrepreneurial spirit and business acumen and was in sheer awe of his natural instincts for what appeals to consumers. On the other hand I bristled at what I saw as his — and by extension Apple’s — occasionally capricious and even contradictory actions (App store products in or out, inability to get in front of product issues, antennaegate) and super-secretive nature.

Now, having finished the 600-plus page Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson, I think I finally understand Steve Jobs. Like most of us, his personality had many sides. He could be aloof, super-intense, odd, gross, passionate, creative, driven, unfair, conciliatory and deeply introspective. He lived a rich and unique life.

As I read the tome on my Kindle, I highlighted interesting, surprising and relevant passages. Now, as I look back at them I realize that many help illustrate some of the larger lessons we can all glean from Steve Jobs’ remarkable life.

Don’t Wait

When the young Steve Jobs wanted to build something and needed a piece of equipment, he went straight to the source.

“He began by recalling that he had wanted to build a frequency counter when he was twelve, and he was able to look up Bill Hewlett, the founder of HP, in the phone book and call him to get parts.”

Make Your Own Reality

Steve Jobs learned early that when you don’t like how things are in your life or in your world, change them, either through action or sheer force of will.

“As Hoffman later lamented, “The reality distortion field can serve as a spur, but then reality itself hits.” – Joanna Hoffman, part of Apple’s early Macintosh team.

“I didn’t want to be a father, so I wasn’t,” Jobs later said, with only a touch of remorse in his voice.

Control Everything You Can

Steve Jobs was, to a certain degree, a hippie. However, unlike most free spirits of the 1960s-to-1970s love-in era, Jobs was a detail-oriented control freak.

“He wants to control his environment, and he sees the product as an extension of himself.”

Own Your Mistakes

Jobs could be harsh and even thoughtless. Perhaps nowhere was that more in evidence than with his first daughter. Still, as Jobs grew older and began to face mortality, he more readily admitted his mistakes.

“I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, such as getting my girlfriend pregnant when I was twenty-three and the way I handled that,” Jobs said.”

Know Yourself

While not always aware of how those around him were reacting to his appearance or demeanor, Jobs had no illusions about his own formidable intellectual skills.

“Then a more disconcerting discovery began to dawn on him: He was smarter than his parents.”

Leave the Door Open for the Fantastic

Jobs was a seeker, pursuing spiritual enlightenment and body purification throughout his life. He wasn’t a particularly religious person, but did not dismiss the existence or something beyond our earth-bound realm.

“I think different religions are different doors to the same house. Sometimes I think the house exists, and sometimes I don’t. It’s the great mystery.” — Steve Jobs

Don’t Hold Back

Apple’s founder was famous for his outbursts and sometimes over-emotional responses. In product development, things were often amazing or sh_t.

“He was an enlightened being who was cruel,” she recalled. “That’s a strange combination.”– former girlfriend and mother of Jobs’ first daughter, Chrisann Brennan

Surround Yourself with Brilliance

Whether he was willing to admit it or not, Steve Jobs could not do everything. Yes, he could have a huge impact on every product and marketing campaign, but he also knew that there were others in the world with skills he did not possess. Jobs’ early partnership with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak perfectly illustrated this fact. His early success with Wozniak provided the template for future collaborations.

“After a couple of months he was ready to test it. ‘I typed a few keys on the keyboard and I was shocked! The letters were displayed on the screen.’ It was Sunday, June 29, 1975, a milestone for the personal computer. “It was the first time in history,” Wozniak later said, “anyone had typed a character on a keyboard and seen it show up on their own computer’s screen right in front of them.”

Build a Team of A Players

Far too often, companies and managers settle for average employees. Steve Jobs recognized talent and decided that any conflict that might arise from a company full of “A”-level players would be counterbalanced by awesome output. He may have been right.

“For most things in life, the range between best and average is 30% or so. The best airplane flight, the best meal, they may be 30% better than your average one. What I saw with Woz was somebody who was fifty times better than the average engineer. He could have meetings in his head. The Mac team was an attempt to build a whole team like that, A players. People said they wouldn’t get along, they’d hate working with each other. But I realized that A players like to work with A players, they just didn’t like working with C players.”– Steve Jobs

“I’ve learned over the years that when you have really good people you don’t have to baby them,” Jobs later explained. “By expecting them to do great things, you can get them to do great things.”

Be Yourself

Steve Jobs was often so busy being himself that he had no idea how people saw him, especially in his early, dirty-hippie days.

“At meetings we had to look at his dirty feet.” Sometimes, to relieve stress, he would soak his feet in the toilet, a practice that was not as soothing for his colleagues.”—Mike Markkula, Apple’s first chairman.

Be Persuasive

While it’s true that early Steve Jobs was a somewhat smelly and unpleasant person to be around, this same Steve Jobs also trained himself to stare without blinking for long periods of time and found that he could persuade people to do the seemingly impossible.

“If it could save a person’s life, would you find a way to shave ten seconds off the boot time?” he asked. Kenyon allowed that he probably could. Jobs went to a whiteboard and showed that if there were five million people using the Mac, and it took ten seconds extra to turn it on every day, that added up to three hundred million or so hours per year that people would save, which was the equivalent of at least one hundred lifetimes saved per year.”

Show Others the Way

Jobs wasn’t truly a programmer or technologist, certainly not in the way that Microsoft founder Bill Gates is, yet he had an intuitive understanding for technology and design that ended up altering the world’s expectations for computers and, more importantly, consumer electronics.

“To be honest, we didn’t know what it meant for a computer to be ‘friendly’ until Steve told us.” — Terry Oyama, part of the early Macintosh design team.

Trust Your Instincts

I have, in my own career, navigated by gut on more than one occasion. Steve Jobs, though, had a deep and abiding belief in his own tastes and believed with utter certainty that if he liked something, the public would as well. He was almost invariably right.

“Did Alexander Graham Bell do any market research before he invented the telephone?” — Steve Jobs

Take Risks

Throughout his career, Steve Jobs took chances, first with the launch of Apple, then in walking away from it and then returning in 1997. In an era when most companies were figuring out ways to diversify, Apple — under Job’s leadership — shed businesses and products, and focused on relatively few areas. He was also willing to steer the entire Apple ship (or at least some aspects of it) in a single direction if he thought it would generate future success.

“One of Jobs’ management philosophies was that it is crucial, every now and then, to roll the dice and ‘bet the company’ on some new idea or technology.”

“I had this crazy idea that we could sell just as many Macs by advertising the iPod. In addition, the iPod would position Apple as evoking innovation and youth. So I moved $75 million of advertising money to the iPod, even though the category didn’t justify one hundredth of that. That meant that we completely dominated the market for music players. We outspent everybody by a factor of about a hundred.” — Steve Jobs.

Follow Great with Great

In everything from products to movies (under Pixar), Steve Jobs sought to create great follow-ups. He wasn’t so successful in the early part of his career (see Lisa), but his third acts to Pixar and Apple proved he had the sequel touch.

“There’s a classic thing in business, which is the second-product syndrome,” Jobs later said. It comes from not understanding what made your first product so successful. “I lived through that at Apple. My feeling was, if we got through our second film, we’d make it.”

Make Tough Decisions

Good managers and leaders are willing to do hard work and, often, make unpopular decisions. Jobs apparently had little concern about being liked and therefore was well-equipped to make tough choices.

“The most visible decision he made was to kill, once and for all, the Newton, the personal digital assistant with the almost-good handwriting-recognition system.”

Presentation Can Make a World of Difference

The Apple founder hated PowerPoint presentations, but perhaps somewhat uncharacteristically, believed elegant product presentation was critical.

“Packaging can be theater, it can create a story.” — Jony Ive, Apple designer.

Find a Way to Balance Your Intensity

It’s unclear if Steve Jobs ever truly mellowed, but he did learn that a buffer between him and the rest of Apple could be useful.

“In a company that was led by a CEO prone to tantrums and withering blasts, Cook commanded situations with a calm demeanor, a soothing Alabama accent, and silent stares.”

Live for Today

Even as Steve Jobs struggled with cancer, he rarely slowed down. If anything, the disease helped him focus his efforts and pursue some of his grandest dreams.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.” — Steve Jobs

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” — Steve Jobs

Share Your Wisdom

Steve Jobs was not a philanthropic soul. He had a passion for products and success, but it wasn’t until he became quite ill that he started reaching out and offering his wisdom to others in the tech community.

“I will continue to do that with people like Mark Zuckerberg too. That’s how I’m going to spend part of the time I have left. I can help the next generation remember the lineage of great companies here and how to continue the tradition. The Valley has been very supportive of me. I should do my best to repay.” — Steve Jobs”

It’s that time of year again. . .another holiday to reflect on our lives. In all honesty, today, I felt sad and lonely. Mostly for having very few people in my life to celebrate Thanksgiving Day with, besides my mom. There were no children running around the house, no siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. Nobody fighting about who would slice the turkey. Heck, I don’t even eat meat!

Nevertheless, my mother and I prepared a traditional Thanksgiving Day meal, and set the table with all the trimmings. We sat and ate, shared a few stories and  within a blink of an eye, our meal had come to an end. I excused myself from the table, still feeling somewhat depressed and wishing we could somehow miraculously multiply as a family.

Then I went downstairs to be alone and I called Michael’s mom, Susan. (For those of you who don’t know, Michael is the reason for this blog. He is the reason you are reading this right now. He is a part of my life, even after taking his own.) When I spoke to Susan, she sounded grateful. Grateful for the phone call; grateful to be remembered, grateful to know that she was loved.

Then I thought how silly I was for feeling like I was somehow cheated. Sure, I don’t have a house full of family members strewn about, mixed with all the chaos and craziness associated with the typical Thanksgiving holiday. But, who cares? Why was I comparing my life to what should be the norm? Who decides what the norm is? Does that even matter?

After talking to Susan and hearing her voice, I felt incredibly grateful. That phone call made me realize that I’m grateful for having her in my life, and the fact that she is loved.

I realized that we all have something to be grateful for. We don’t need to live in a mansion, we don’t need to drive fancy cars, we don’t need to have big families, and we don’t even need to be ecstatic about where we are in our lives. But, we’re not alone, even if we feel like we are.

One thing Michael did, that I recommend to all, was to write a gratitude list. He would write about anything and everything that he was thankful for…things like a roof over his head, food in his refrigerator, legs to walk with, and a computer to write on. . . .

So, today, I am grateful. I am grateful for have having known Michael. I’m grateful for Susan and her loving husband, Paul. I’m grateful for my tiny family. I’m grateful for being loved.  And, I’m grateful to all of you who are reading this right now.

Related articles

• Being grateful this Thanksgiving (thismamacooks.com)
• Time To Be Grateful. . .Like It or Not. (onetosix.wordpress.com)

Most suicidal individuals give some warning of their intentions. The most effective way to prevent a friend or loved one from taking his or her life is to recognize the factors that put people at risk for suicide, take warning signs seriously and know how to respond.

Know the Facts

PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS

More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves are suffering from one or more psychiatric disorders, in particular:

• Major depression (especially when combined with alcohol and/or drug abuse)

• Bipolar depression

• Alcohol abuse and dependence

• Drug abuse and dependence

• Schizophrenia

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Eating disorders

• Personality disorders

Depression and the other mental disorders that may lead to suicide are — in most cases — both recognizable and treatable. Remember, depression can be lethal.

The core symptoms of major depression are a “down” or depressed mood most of the day or a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were previously enjoyed for at least two weeks, as well as:

• Changes in sleeping patterns

• Change in appetite or weight

• Intense anxiety, agitation, restlessness or being slowed down

• Fatigue or loss of energy

• Decreased concentration, indecisiveness or poorer memory

• Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, self-reproach or excessive or inappropriate guilt

• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

PAST SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

Between 25 and 50 percent of people who kill themselves had previously attempted suicide. Those who have made suicide attempts are at higher risk for actually taking their own lives.

Availability of means

• In the presence of depression and other risk factors, ready access to guns and other weapons, medications or other methods of self-harm increases suicide risk.

Recognize the Imminent Dangers

The signs that most directly warn of suicide include:

• Threatening to hurt or kill oneself

• Looking for ways to kill oneself (weapons, pills or other means)

• Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide

• Has made plans or preparations for a potentially serious attempt

Other warning signs include expressions or other indications of certain intense feelings in addition to depression, in particular:

• Insomnia

• Intense anxiety, usually exhibited as psychic

• pain or internal tension, as well as panic attacks

• Feeling desperate or trapped — like there’s no way out

• Feeling hopeless

• Feeling there’s no reason or purpose to live

• Rage or anger

Certain behaviors can also serve as warning signs, particularly when they are not characteristic of the person’s normal behavior. These include:

• Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities

• Engaging in violent or self-destructive behavior

• Increasing alcohol or drug use

• Withdrawing from friends or family

Take it Seriously

• Fifty to 75 percent of all suicides give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.

• Imminent signs must be taken seriously.

Be Willing to Listen

• Start by telling the person you are concerned and give him/her examples.

• If he/she is depressed, don’t be afraid to ask whether he/she is considering suicide, or if he/she has a particular plan or method in mind.

• Ask if they have a therapist and are taking medication.

• Do not attempt to argue someone out of suicide. Rather, let the person know you care, that he/she is not alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary and that depression can be treated. Avoid the temptation to say, “You have so much to live for,” or “Your suicide will hurt your family.”

A hug can do so much for someone that's hurting

Seek Professional Help

• Be actively involved in encouraging the person to see a physician or mental health professional immediately.

• Individuals contemplating suicide often don’t believe they can be helped, so you may have to do more.

• Help the person find a knowledgeable mental health professional or a reputable treatment facility, and take them to the treatment.

In an Acute Crisis

• If a friend or loved one is threatening, talking about or making plans for suicide, these are signs of an acute crisis.

• Do not leave the person alone.

• Remove from the vicinity any firearms, drugs or sharp objects that could be used for suicide.

• Take the person to an emergency room or walk-in clinic at a psychiatric hospital.

• If a psychiatric facility is unavailable, go to your nearest hospital or clinic.

• If the above options are unavailable, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Follow-up on Treatment

• Suicidal individuals are often hesitant to seek help and may need your continuing support to pursue treatment after an initial contact.

• If medication is prescribed, make sure your friend or loved one is taking it exactly as prescribed. Be aware of possible side effects and be sure to notify the physician if the person seems to be getting worse. Usually, alternative medications can be prescribed.

• Frequently the first medication doesn’t work. It takes time and persistence to find the right medication(s) and therapist for the individual person.

For more information, visit http://www.afsp.org

Related articles

• ‘Family Matters’ workshop in Fauntleroy to shed light on suicide (westseattleblog.com)
• Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (untreatableonline.com)
• Depression and Eating Disorders (everydayhealth.com)

Help Fight World Hunger

Global Village Champions Foundation: Twitter TopFive Supporters

(Thank you Jackie Bigford)

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The end of a job, a relationship, a passion or pursuit should be viewed as an opportunity to move on to the next chapter; the next book in this sequel we are in. Closed doors cause us to look for open doors. Endings are the start of new beginnings.

The truth is, endings are a part of all our lives. It’s the price we must pay to move forward and arrive at our next destination. How we view those endings in our lives will determine how passionately we pursue the opportunities awaiting our future.

With the right attitude and the motivation to move forward, you can let your endings or failures be the fuel that moves you to seek the new beginnings that will create new opportunities, relationships and directions. Look for new beginnings today. They are most likely not far away from your reach!

Remember, your “story” is still being written!

Related Articles

• Walking through Doors (transitionmaven.wordpress.com)
• Leading With Passion – The Real Thing! (streetsmartleader.com)
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Image via Wikipedia

A great enemy we all face is a cruel, punishing, debilitating tyrant– despair. Despair is caused by an absence of hope.  If you lose hope, despair is the cruel bully that quickly follows.

Despair leads us to many self destructive decisions and life choices. Despair leads us to addictive behavior and abusive actions , not only to others, but to ourselves. Despair robs us of our desire to move forward, have healthy relationships, or our desire to live.

Losing hope is the warning sign that we need help to restore our hope and to put a road block in the pathway of despair’s march to destroy us.

Our key to restoring hope is to get help.  Isolation kills.  People need people, especially in crisis.  All of us need an informal or formal support group of people we can reach out to when despair makes its march against us.

Do you have someone you can reach out to? As all of us should have a disaster survival plan in the event of an emergency, we should have a crisis intervention plan when we lose our hope and see the ugly head of despair glaring at us. Make a list of people today that you can reach out to, and reach out.  Do it today, ahead of despairs cruel offensive against you.  Don’t wait until despair has its ugly arms clutched around your throat, choking the life out of you.

With the help of people who care about you, you can rise above hopelessness and despair!

(For more help, please click on any of the organizations located on the left hand side of this blog. They are all free services and completely anonymous.)

Related Articles

• Clinical Despair: Science, Psychotherapy and Spirituality in the Treatment of Depression (psychologytoday.com)
• Amid Despair, Inspiration (yesterdaylucas.com)

I hope this song brings a smile to your face and encourages you to embrace life. I’ll be following up on his next project, another video, which will be sure to inspire as well.

Enjoy friends! ~Nora

NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) — A homeless man, who hadn’t seen his daughter in over a decade, reunited with her Friday in Bryant Park after tracking her down through Twitter. It was all smiles and hugs for Daniel Morales, 58, and his daughter Sarah Rivera as they saw each other for the first time in 11 years. “I feel rejoiced,” Morales said. Daniel Morales tells 1010 WINS‘ Kathleen Maloney that everything is possible[audio http://cbsnewyork.f … Read More

via CBS New York

Image by Navy Blue Stripes via Flickr

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But, what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be; you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But, a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything - they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

Thank you, once again, for becoming part of my family. These memories of our experiences, our stories and our journeys will forever be cherished. Here’s to a new year of health and happiness for all of us. ~Nora Lamarti

Image by tima via Flickr

A 24-year-old young man who recently had problems with his banking job reached out to an on-line community chat room, complaining about life and work problems, until ultimately confiding that he wanted to kill himself.  The audience from UStream, a website that allows users to stream their videos live, sent him mixed messages as he threatened to follow through last Sunday. While some users tried to help by sending him messages to not follow through with his plan, others actually dared him to do it, sending foul comments such as, “Die now” and “Please die quickly”.  By the time authorities showed up at his Sendai apartment the following Tuesday morning at 8am, it was too late. After his first failed attempt to hang himself with a twisted sheet off the balcony of his apartment at 4 am, the footage showed him succeeding the act at a different site less than 2 hours later.

While I admit to being a big fan of new media and social media technologies, this story absolutely horrifies me. Why weren’t any authorities, hospitals or professional experts notified? With over 2,000,000 million registered users on UStream, how did so much time pass without any intervention from the site’s administrators?  Unbelievably, the footage briefly made it to youtube before it was removed at the final hour. In response to the footage revealing his second attempt while still streaming live, the Japanese newspaper, Sankei Shimbun stated, “We guess his live feed was not that live any more and there was no longer anything to see.”

Normally, I leave my posts fairly unbiased, letting the news speak for itself. However, this is a story that I feel compelled to throw in my two cents. This kind of behavior on behalf of the many participants who could have stopped this is indicative of how much work is needed for suicide awareness and prevention. While I recognize that some people did ask him not to follow through with his death wish, I don’t understand how they didn’t report it to anyone. Website owners need to take responsibility for their content. More importantly, people need to own responsibility for helping one another. To sit by idly and let a young life end so tragically is unacceptable. If we learned anything from this tragic death, it’s that we need more education on how to help people in need of emotional and mental health.

Finally, I must admit that of all the articles I have seen about this story, most seem to come across as food fodder; merely another gossip article to generate more hits. What about his family? His friends? My heart goes out to the loss of this young man and his cries for help. There’s an adage that I live by: If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

Suicide rates in Japan have been the highest among developed countries and the fourth highest in the world. One of the major factors to this number has been attributed to economic distress. Suicide is now the leading cause of death among men aged 20-44 and women aged 15-34 in Japan. Befrienders Worldwide, run by the Samaritans, provides a network of helplines in 39 countries including Japan. The Samaritans can be contacted in the UK 24 hours a day on 08457 909 090.

“The hottest place in hell remains for people who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.” Dr. Martin Luther King

Related Articles

• Samaritans helpline number appears in Google search feature (computeractive.co.uk)
• Police: Man kills himself during live Internet broadcast (cnn.com)

Former Bachelorette,  Jillian Harris, released a statement last Thursday saying, “I am completely heartbroken for the Hug family, and my whole heart goes out to them today as they mourn a precious life that ended far too soon. I will always remember Julien’s gentle demeanor and kind heart, which will be sadly missed.”

His father, Bertrand Hug, a succesful restaurateur in California, claimed that Julien left notes for his parents, his co-workers and his girlfriend. “He was depressed and struggling, and nobody knew,” said Bertrand.

The family is holding the funeral next Friday on November 12th at a soon to be determined location. It is open to anyone who would like to attend.

To contact the family personally, you may do so via mail at the Julien Hug Foundation, c/o of the The Village Community Presbyterian Church at 6225 Paseo Delicias, Rancho Sante Fe, Calif., 92067.

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They are available 24/7 and your calls will remain confidential.

Related Articles

• Family: ‘Bachelorette’ contestant killed self (pbpulse.com)
• Dad: ‘Bachelorette’ contestant took his own life (today.msnbc.msn.com)

Life can place challenges, right at your feet. Life can make good, of the hardships that we meet. Life can overwhelm you, and make your head spin. Life can reward those, determined to win.

Life can be hurtful, and not always fair. Life can surround you, with people who care. Life clearly does offer, its ups and its downs. Life’s days can bring you, both smiles and frowns. Life teaches us to take, the good with the bad. Life is a mixture, of happy and sad.

So…..

Take the life that you have, and give it your best. Think positive, be happy, let God do the rest. Take the challenges, that life has laid at your feet. Take pride and be thankful, for each one you meet. To yourself give forgiveness, if you stumble and fall. Take each day that is dealt you, and give it your all.

Take the love that you’re given, and return it with care. Have faith that when needed, it will always be there. Take time to find the beauty, in the things that you see. Take life’s simple pleasures, let them set your heart free.

The idea here is simply, to even the score. As you are met and faced with, Life’s Tug Of War.

Image via Wikipedia

“Ray Lucas no longer wants to jump off the George Washington Bridge.”~ Michael O’Keeffe

Former Jets quarterback, Ray Lucas, used to stay in bed on a regular basis, isolating himself from the world due to his injuries on the field, which ultimately  resulted  in neck surgery on September 15th. Since then,  Lucas has claimed to feel incredible relief from  severe depression and anxiety, which previously caused him to  isolate  from family and loved ones.

PAST (Retired Athletes Medical Resources Group), an organization which  has provided more than $1.7 million in pro bono surgeries for NFL retirees in the past year, resourced the necessary neck surgery for Lucas, resulting in a dramatic loss of pain. Although the pain from his injuries, including symptoms such as crippling sciatica and muscle spasms have  not completely disappeared, Lucas claims that the surgery provided to him have literally saved his life.

“I still have bad days but nothing compared to what it was,” Lucas says. “My wife says PAST saved our family. I used to think about driving the car off the George Washington Bridge. Now I have hope.”

This story has a happy ending, as Ray Lucas is scheduled to host as the master of ceremonies for PAST’s fundraising event dedicated to Vince Lombardi on October, 28th. Joining him will be an  impressive array of stars including,  Darrelle Revis,  Don Maynard, Harry Carson, Charles Smith, Cal Ramsey,  Tony Sirico and Vincent Pastore.

“Many of the retired players who have received assistance through PAST say fan emails and Facebook posts were crucial to their recovery. To thank the fans for their support, PAST is offering free tickets to Thursday’s private performance of “Lombardi” to the first 50 people who register at PASTUSA.com

For further information on PAST’s Lombardi Night NYC, or to purchase tickets and VIP packages, go to the website or call 800-791-6324.”

Related Articles

• Story of Pain for Ex-Jets Lucas and Mawae (fifthdown.blogs.nytimes.com)

Image via Wikipedia

The Mental Health Foundation has released an on-line publication known as “Down on the farm: Depression and mental health in the rural south”. The original sixteen page supplement was produced and written in 2009 by New Zealand‘s Mental Health Media Grants Award winner, Yvonne O’Hara.

Originally written for the Southern Rural Life and Courier Country on September 29th for Mental Health Awareness Week, it was later released on October 6th for the Courier County in an effort to reduce the stigma and shame surrounding mental diseases faced by the families subsiding in rural and farming communities.

Due to the positive feedback of the publication, a new on-line version is now available to download. Some of the articles include topics such as depression, grief, stress management and financial planning. Click on the following link to download your own copy of the newly released supplement: Down on the farm:
Depression and mental health in the
rural south.

~Mother Teresa

So the man decided to help the butterfly
He took a pair of scissors and snipped off
The remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily, BUT,
It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings
He continued to watch the butterfly
He expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge
And the body would contract
Neither happened!
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling
Around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It was never able to fly.

The man acted with well-intentioned kindness
But he didn’t understand the consequences.
The restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get
Through the tiny opening, were nature’s way of forcing fluid
From the body of the butterfly once it achieved it’s freedom
From the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If nature allowed us to go through life without any
Obstacles, it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as we could have been
And we could never fly
Have a great day, great life, and struggle a little.
Then fly!

~Nikos Kazantzakis

“I’ve been thinking,” he said, “I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me something more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.

(In dedication to Rebekah)

AFSP also has a site that will bring you to walks and events all over the country. These walks help to promote advocacy in suicide prevention and awareness. By participating, we are helping to save lives. Wether you have lost a loved one to suicide, have considered it yourself, or want to help AFSP in their quest to help others, this is a wonderful activity to participate in. For more information or to find a walk in your community: Out of the Darkness

50 percent of women aged 20 to 39 with depression smoke, whereas just 21 percent of those without depression do.

The researchers found that adults who wouldn’t qualify for a diagnosis of clinical depression but still showed mild depressive symptoms were more likely to smoke than were people with no symptoms of depression.

The reasoning behind smoking and depression is still unknown.  Researchers speculate that one cause could be related to self medication.

“There’s a myth that somehow if you deal with it, [by encouraging them to quit smoking,] it makes it harder to deal with underlying mental illness,” Glantz, director of the Center for Tobacco Control Research and Education at the University of Californiath, said. “Just the opposite is true.”

When a family member commits suicide, the entire family is plunged into confusion and grief. Life is instinctually valued by all of life’s creatures. Even a blade of grass or flower fights for the privilege of life. When someone close to you voluntarily ends their lives, your entire value system is thrown into question. Family members may also be consumed with guilt, thinking that they somehow should have seen the signs that led to the individuals suicide. Group therapy with others who have experienced this trauma as well individual therapy may be necessary to help cope.

Suicide by Family Friend Poems